President Trump is Undergoing Experimental "Parade Therapy"
Doctors are cautiously optimistic it will elevate the President's mood
Are you one of the over 7 million Americans who suffer from COVID-19? If you just can’t beat the coronavirus, “Parade Therapy,” might be right for you.
Infection with COVID-19 can mean lethargy, a cough, nasal congestion, fatigue, fever, lowered oxygen rates, diarrhea, and all too often, even death.
Other modern nations with more competent leaders have been able to fight the virus with simple masks and social distancing.
But here in the United States, we won’t have any of that!
Doctors at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center have come up with an unorthodox, but promising new experimental therapy that some doctors call “Parade Therapy.”
Under the direction of Dr. Sean Con Man, excuse me, Conley, Walter Reed is treating President Donald Trump with Parade Therapy in an attempt to manage his symptoms of confusion, narcissism, agitation, and paranoia.
Rather than isolate a contagious COVID-19 patient like the President in a controlled, negative-pressure hospital room, Parade Therapy works by locking the patient in a self-enclosed, hermetically-sealed vehicle driven by a specially selected, highly trained and experienced operator.
It’s the operator’s job to risk their own life so that the patient can temporarily satisfy an insatiable appetite for praise and adoration. Unable to walk by himself, President Trump must rely on the operator to temporarily elevate his mood as the vehicle slowly creeps through the neighborhood as he waves at oblivious supporters.
Doctor Conley says the operator must take care to avoid any maneuver that might steer the course of illness in another direction.
Patients who have received Parade Therapy report a more upbeat attitude, but doctors have only been able to sustain it for a few minutes.
Parade Therapy might work better when used in combination with other therapies such as staged photos, and strained, edited video messages, …and Doctor Conley says they will be performing more research on the President with regards to this hypothesis in coming days.
Parade Therapy has not been approved by the FDA, and it might cause repeated misstatements, awkward question dodging, and professional humiliation of the physicians who prescribe it.
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